What's That Smell?
This Tales From The Roadside story comes from a driver of our client transport service. Basically, when our client's car breaks down, they are driven home in a Towncar limo while their car is being delivered to a repair shop. During the debriefing, the following details of the driver's affidavit of this biohazard incident were recounted and I felt you needed to know what hazards we endure. We bring you this story from the drivers perspective.
“When I get to the scene I was not expecting to see a woman that beautiful. This woman was so beautiful I actually thought to myself that I have never seen such beauty in person. Just imagine the most gorgeous woman you have ever seen and then add another seven on top of that…she was all that and more.
She was about 5 foot 8 inches and had 3-inch red high heels on with her perfect strong double D’s stuffed with no bra in a tight dress that was so short it went all the way up to heaven. Her wheat blond hair was flowing down her back, her flawless skin shimmering in the night lights. My heart was pounding in my chest as I took her hand to help her get out of her car. I was doing my best to hide the full effect of her perfect body as we walked towards the Towncar. She was all wobbly on those high heels on the side of the road so she kept grabbing me. I about lost it when she bent to crawl into the Towncar. I took my time doing safety clearance so I could cool off some.
She was being very flirtatious and kept asking for my number. I about died when I had to tell her I was not allowed to. I had to explain to her it was company policy to cover a safety issue for clients and drivers. Her big blue eyes were bright after an exciting party she could not stop talking about. Even her voice was perfect, I was mesmerized.
At first, she wanted me to change the destination and go back to the party instead of going home. But then she started talking about how bad her stomach hurt and she needed to get home right away. I didn't think much of it at the moment thinking it was the usual ramblings of a 2:30 am job.
Until I smelt something very foul. So foul, my first thought was to crack a window. But it was so bad and it didnt go away. I was trying really hard not to gag, my eyes were watering. It got worse so I thought maybe it was the area we were driving through so I rolled the window back up. Suddenly her voice had an urgency to it. Her tone had changed from bubbly and happy to low and tense. She was teeth talking by this time “How...much...longer?” she asks. Glancing at the GPS I told her it was still 3 mins to her home but I would do my best to hurry. Then I heard a noise that resembled something like a grown man gurgling. It was a wet sound for sure. At the same time, the smell hit me I hear her say softly “oh my god”.
It got real quiet as I rolled my window all the way down this time. Not another word was said the rest of the trip. It was the longest 3 mins of my life. The smell was ungodly. As soon as I stopped the Towncar in front of her house her door flew open and she ran, yes ran in high heels to her door. I didn't even have time to put the car in park by the time she had sprinted across the yard. I had to pull over right around the corner to air out the car. That's when I noticed the stain on the seat. There was a puddle of oily Grey Poupon mustard colored substance that streaked towards the door. Yep, you guessed it. That very beautiful woman just took a dump in the car.
That's why Towncar number 20 is out if service for the foreseeable future because the smell will not go away despite multiple cleaning treatments.
Today I learned...Sh*t happens, sometimes literally.”